Turkeylishious

Integrity

Yeah, I slipped up a bit. Not so much out of weakness, but just pure forgetfulness, which I guess is kind of a weakness. I was at Starbucks ordering a drip coffee (not a Mocha as that is considered dessert) and right there in front of me sat a tray of samples of cranberry bliss bars, and I thought "yum, I like these" and before I knew it, doh! I just popped it in my mouth without even thinking, and I was not about to spit it out when I realized my error. I mean come on, there's blog challenges, and then there's Karen Carpenter behavior. So in the interest of integrity and (not quite) full disclosure, I have to reveal 1/8 of my before picture, since I ate about 1/8 of a dessert.

Hopefully it won't happen again, because I am really loathe to show any more.

Cat Man Do

Please please please click on the Weekly Saccharin video to see it in full screen through YouTube- this is the best animation I've seen in a long time. The animators name is Simon Tofield (genius!), and I have never seen such a hysterically accurate depiction of a cats nature. I go through a similar routine with one of my cats nearly every morning (minus the baseball bat part).

Enjoy!

Cupcake Challenge: Day 3

So far so good. I have resisted temptation at every turn, and have had to be a little creative in my circumvention. Last night for instance, I decided to eat some mandarin oranges (in their own juice, not syrup, cause that would be cheatin), but they weren't sweet enough, plus I was having a hard time eating them with the coffee stirrer (didn't have a fork) so I dumped them in a glass of diet sprite, and muddled them up a bit for a frothy, orangey treat. Probably sounds kinda gross, and would have been more fun with some alcohol, but gimmee a break, i was working with the limited resources of my hotel room.

Which brings me to the topic of exercise on the road. Not an easy thing. Especially if you despise treadmills like I do. In the milder months of the year, there's usually enough sunlight for me to run outside after I teach, but in the winter, I never see sunlight, and I'm not too crazy about running in the dark in a strange city or on a treadmill, so I have to be creative. And in lieu of running I will focus on strength training which I often times ignore when I'm at home. I have found a great resource for strength training pilates-type exercises on the Washington Post website. They've got tons of picture demos, for free! Kind of like having a virtual personal trainer. Many of these exercises you can do without equipment right on your hotel room floor (eww). Nice because the fitness centers at most 3 star and under hotels leave a lot to be desired.

So give it a shot! And I recommend one of those big balls for home workouts- they're a lot of fun (especially if you have cats...)

Yay Dr. Diane!

Okay, I'm breakin my rule just this once...but it's for an important announcement...

So, thanks to everyone who sent out their smarty vibes - it worked! (and maybe with a little of her own smarts ;) She did it! What an awesome accomplishment. And I know how hard she worked for it.

So, as she says, cupcakes for all!

And that picture is about the closest I'm gonna get to a cupcake for awhile...

Dr. Di

Just a quicky reminder that everyone needs to send out their smartest smarty pant vibes to Diane today as she defends her dissertation, the final rung towards her becoming the most insufferable academic ever (jk, love ya!).

I hope you knock the socks offa their asses, girl!!

The Cupcake Challenge

Alrighty, so I was checkin in on one of my new favorite girl blogs, and was reading about this challenge, where dessert will be eaten only once a week until January (holidays being the exception thank god), to help get the "sugar monkey" off her back. I've been needing just this type of challenge since I've gotten a little sloppy lately with my points. My Google calendar where I record my foods has been kinda spotty lately. And this past weekend I managed to eat not just pizza (four huge drippin slices), but chocolate cookies, brownies, AND peach cobbler (that I made for a pot luck...why do I do these things?). Now, I was on my bike all weekend, both days, riding for several hours (serious riding too, not just toolin around), so I just managed to negate the good I did by eating every last calorie (and perhaps more) that I burned. While the scale hasn't budged up, it also hasn't budged down, which is what I need it to do dammit! So, I am going for the challenge myself to rid myself of the evil Cupcake of Doom.

And if I fail, I will post a really scary "before" picture of myself. You thought this was scary, well, it ain't nothin compared to the one I will post.

If you're concerned about my honesty, well, you're just gonna have to trust me to hold myself accountable. Because after all, this is about me, and not about y'all. And you can count on B to help with the policing, since it's usually his fault when I transgress (hmm...that might piss him off enough to finally comment here).

I'm considering any sugary treat a dessert, and that includes my staple 100 calorie packs. The only sweet goodness I'm allowed outside the once a week is fruit and sugar-free, because like one commenter posted over at the Fitness Fixation blog, "If it makes you poop, it ain't dessert".

Words to live by.

Cupcake Free Zone

From this point forward, cupcakes are banned from this blog.There will be no posting or commenting about cupcakes, cupcake-likes, cream cheese frosting on red velvet cupcakes, chocolate filled cupcakes, moist white cake cupcakes with vanilla frosting, mango cupcakes, or even splenda cupcakes.

Cupcakes are the enemy.

Super Shuttle Chronicles: Part 2

I will never, ever, ever again take a Super Shuttle. You may remember my last experience with this sucky suck ass company. You would think I had learned my lesson, but nooooo.

I was trying to save the company a few bucks when I was in Houston by not taking a $90 taxi ride to my hotel, and instead got on the bus for $28. Stupid! I landing in Houston at 6:30 pm hungry and tired, ready to eat dinner and kick back and watch hotel tv. I waited an hour for the shuttle, then when it finally showed up, I squished in with 9 other passengers whose hotels were scattered all across Houston, and as you probably already know, Houston's sprawled out from like Louisiana to Nevada (it is really obscene). Evidently, their computer system that helps to plan efficient routes was down, so our driver took us on a grand tour of the city from north to south, east to west, and back east again, and oops-I-forgot-someone! back west again. And meanwhile, as I'm crammed in some guys armpit, the driver has switched off the basketball game on the radio and turned on gospel. And I'm not talkin about down-south-raise-the-roof-hallelujah kind of gospel (which I like), but rather Whitney Houston/Celine Dion-style Diva gospel, which frankly...sucks. And it was loud too.

So to entertain myself and prevent "the message" from brainwashing me :), I tried to come up with new curse word combos. Boy, this makes the time fly! Just start with some everyday, generic kinds of words like stick, chop, toe, worm, and mix with curse words. After awhile you will have some real winners. The one that nearly had me pee was "ass biscuit".

This was fun until my concentration was broken by the cranky old lady sitting in front of me who started complaining (in this really annoying whiny Seinfeld character accent) about how she's always the last person on the bus, so to shut her up, the driver changed course (away from my hotel), and dropped her old mothball smelling butt off first. So I was the last person to be dropped off, two hours later, at 9:30 pm, with no restaurants nearby but Denny's and McHeartAttack. So I chose the lesser of two evils, and ate about two bites of semi-edible tilapia, and corn/mash potatoes, and called it a night.

Anyway, let this be a lesson to me. Three hours of my life is worth more than the fifty bucks I saved. Especially if I can expense it.

Kids, cover your eyes...

B just emailed this to me from the Portland Mercury- it is titled "Worst...Tattoo... Ever."

I'll never be the same again.

Sicko

I think I've gone and done got sick. So this is gonna be a lamo post because I didn't do anything interesting today, nor did I have any interesting thoughts, except maybe my idea for cupcake pans. I would like to invent some that have the cups a little shorter and maybe a little wider, because what normal human being can get their mouth around both the cake part AND the frosting part without getting frosting all aver their face? You can't do it! (I tried) So, I think I will develop a prototype for the "Squatcake", and make a million on QVC. Any potential investors?

And the picture below is absolutely apropos of nothing, I just think it's funny.

New York Wants to Marry Portland

The most emailed article right now in the NY Times is about Portland's bike culture. And this is like the third or fourth article this year in the NY Times singing the praises of my new home. Which tickles me on the one hand, but on the other, I'm like "stop telling people how great it is here! It's near impossible as it is right now for anyone of modest means to buy a house in Portland, so shut up already, stop writing things that make people want to live here! The gates are now closed!"

Funny coming from someone who's only been here a year and half, huh? Which just goes to show ya how amazing this place is; people quickly become really attached to this place and possessive- like jealous lovers. Think how the native Portlanders feel. I think I've only met one or two since I've been here. Everyone else is from the Midwest.

Well, for those of you who are considering moving here, as far as I'm concerned, you're welcome here with open arms... if you don't mind that it gets dark at 3:30, or drizzly weather for 8 months out of the year. Don't worry, you'll probably get used to it. If not, you'll just want to hang yourself. Because nobody actually leaves their house in the winter. We just cozy up underneath a big warm quilt and read Moby Dick (doesn't that just sound delicious!). When we do venture out, it's only to canvass for some political cause, like the rights of the sea cucumber, all gussied up in our galoshes and rain hats. Or if it's a special occasion, we might go to a poetry reading! Or make a big batch of potato soup and invite our friends over for a game of Scrabble!

Sounds great, doesn't it? Come on out! And bring your D&D dice with you! There's plenty of room for all of us.

Yay for Girlz!!

Used without permission from the New York Times...please don't sue me :)

Aren't they just glorious? Those three were the top finishers of the New York City marathon, and I am so incredibly inspired. Would ya look at them gams?!

So I ran my 7 miles yesterday, and it was not easy. I had to walk a few times, although I didn't walk for long- 30 seconds to a minute at most. And boy, later last night after I'd settled on the couch for a movie (Chariots of Fire, appropriately enough, which I had never seen before...and how cheesy!), my legs were so sore! I had to struggle to get off the couch and to bed. It's been a long time since I've been that sore. Which I guess means I really needed that to get out of the running rut I've been in.

This morning I went to a restorative yoga class that was almost as good as a massage, so now my legs don't feel like the Tin Man's after a rain. But I really should have a massage once in a while. I've heard from so many people that it's almost a necessity for runners. But it just seems like such a luxury. I guess since I'm making a grown-up salary now I can afford one every once in a while, but still.

Anyway, you may notice that I'll be posting more nonsense with more frequency this month since it's NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), and while it's too late for me to sign myself up for the challenge of one post per day for the month (plus y'all know I'm just too lazy), I will try to post a lot more than usual. So prepare yourselves for the onslaught of mediocre triviality! I promise to keep you in the titillating loop of my ongoing search for love (of cupcakes), my herculean journey as an aspiring "athlete", and my riveting quest for the perfect mixed metaphor (so far, 'blowing smoke up my sleeve' is a potential contender). So, stick around my friends, and prepare yourself for....

Ryan Shay

I was in the running store this morning, where they had the US Marathon Olympic trials on tv, and as we were watching, the announcer on tv mentioned how odd it was Ryan Shay stepped off the course after 5.5 miles. I didn't stick around to watch what happened, because I had my own run to do, but when I got back home from my run, I find out the poor guy died. How does this happen? I don't understand why people in apparent perfect health just drop dead during these races. What the hell? What a goddamn tragedy.

Cranky Pants

I don't know what happened to me. I used to be a friendly, patient, tolerant person. At least so I thought. Yeah, not so much anymore. I've turned into a cranky, don't-touch-me!, old lady. I am frighteningly close to becoming a crazy cat lady hermit. How did this happen?

I think it started when I worked as a bartender, and I routinely saw the worst in people. Alcohol does really ugly things to our personalities, even when we think we're the most charming thing since Cary Grant. Trust me, from a bartenders perspective (a sober one that is), you are not charming. You are a slobbering, babbling child. And after a while, the only way to cope with these children is to join them in their drunken bubble. Which is what I did. Then I snapped out of it and got the hell out of that damn bubble. Now, I admit, it was the most fun job I ever had, and I met some fantastic people, made some lifelong friends, but it did help to tarnish my previously naive shiny perception of people. Part of it might just be growing older and less tolerant of irritating people, but wherever it came from isn't so much the point now. I gotta figure out how to get up with people again.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because of my travel. I think I have disproportionate reactions to the annoying habits of complete strangers. Take last night for example; I was sitting at the gate in the Austin airport waiting for my plane to board, and a few seats down from me there was a gentleman who was breathing too loud. He did not appear to be sick, disabled, or obese, or anything like that, he just made too much noise when he breathed. But it was so annoying to me that I actually got up and moved to another seat. It wasn't like he was snoring loud or doing that really-annoying-snot-clearing-in-the-back-of-the-throat thing. He was just breathing for fucks sake!

I also get squirrelly on the plane when my seat mate's elbow touches me. And when someone stands too close behind me in line. Or when on the moving sidewalk, people who are clearly capable of walking, stand and don't walk. Is walking really that exhausting!? It's a moving sideWALK people! Shit! Move the fuck out of my goddamn way!

See what I mean? I'm a total Miss Cranky Pants.

Maybe it's a sign that I need a break from all this traveling and being around people. Maybe I should go stay at one of those monk retreats for awhile. Maybe I just need a vacation from airports and hotels.

Or maybe I should just get the fuck over myself and remember that I am not perfect either, and try to be more like Jesus or Buddha. It's so hard though! People are such a pain in the ass.

I just noticed that I used "fuck" and "Jesus" and "Buddha" in the same sentence, so in one fell swoop, I probably managed to offend most everyone, plus I am SO going to hell.

*********

Anyway, thought I'd just get that off my chest. In the meantime, to help me deal with my crankypants mood, I'm going on a seven mile run today as a kick in the pants, since I've hit a bit of a running plateau. I've gotten into a kind of comfortable groove of running four milers a few times a week, with a six miler as my long run. I haven't gone beyond six miles in part cause I'm skeered, but also because I took the half marathon off the schedule for Thanksgiving, and I haven't actually decided on a replacement, so I'm not actively training for one right now. I was considering Austin, but my schedule isn't looking good for that race. I may do one in May/June instead, and maybe I can convince my siblings and stepmom to run one with me. I know my sister will be itchin to work off the whole two pounds of her bebeh weight. And maybe Erin and Katy will be ready by next year to run that distance...(whatchoo think missies? :)

No major bike plans for the weekend. I opted out of a bike camping trip this weekend with ECT because they're goin all primitive and shit to the hot springs (damn!), since I'm more of a girly kinda camper. But I will probably go for a ride by myself tomorrow.

And as far as eatin news, I had some good eats in Austin this week, including two cupcakes (i totally get the craze now), but no BBQ or Tex-Mex. I know, it's a crime, but it just didn't work out this time.

And now that I'm back in my hood, I am anxious after my run to hit a newly opened bagel shop nearby that apparently makes real New York bagels (like boiled, ya know). Like BBQ, it is very dificult to find good bagels here in Portland, so I can't wait to find out if these are the bagels I've been missing. Hopefully it won't be necessary after all to open up my bagel joint, which I was planning to call Shiksas Bagels, but I'll let you know after I try one of theirs...